its been a real tough week.a lot of things were revealed to me which were not very pleasant.firstly i came to know that my calf(which i had injured a week before asian games) has a sprain,which is majorly because my left knee is a little weak.so basically i have to take care of the left knee so that my calf behaves.which means i need strengthening of my leg muscles.its not serious,but it is good enough to force me a months training,due to which i am not playing the india open and the mumbai international.this will take my ranking somewhere to the 60s.my blood test also showed that i have a very bad hemoglobin count.(which is mainly due to the crap food we got in asian games,cwg was so much better,india rocks hands down ;))also my father has got transferred to delhi,and will be there for the next three years,will so miss him.and finally an association which had to end pretty abruptly.
when you go through a week like this you tend to become pretty dramatic.you start asking yourself fundamental and depressing questions like why me?,why am i playing if i am finally only going to get injured?,how much longer will it take to finally see some light through all this?,or will i ever see it?? etc etc..god! i have gone through this cycle a couple of times.usually when i find myself in the dumps the first thing i do is take an inspiring book and read it.this time it didnt help.this time i found two new inspirations.first one were my sadaac friends(the charity which works for street children) i thought about them and realised how better off and blessed i really am and the least i should be is grateful and not complain.second one was the savai gandharva event which i have been attending for the last two days.i heard all these great artists like hariprasad chaurasiya,jasraj,u.shrinivas and so on and realised god!!there is so much to learn and explore that there is no time to waste on sulking.there is too much to learn and too little time.so ya by the end of the week i have finally found a silver lining!!
whenever i think about greatness and about great relationships there is a series of things that i always see :unbelievable amount of honesty to your goal, the fearlessness which helps you to take risks,you take those risks because you have a vision,a society which always tells you how not worth all the hardwork is,but you persist because you and on only you know that they are wrong and they dont know it,unbelievable amount of courage and perseverance,and finally the ability to laugh on yourself when nothings working.whenever i have seen greatness i have always seen that there were 101 reasons to give everything up but there was only one reason to keep going and that was an absolute denial to accept a mediocre life and only and only settle for extraordinary.it goes without saying that its a very difficult road but there are enough people around us who choose to play it safe,but think about it do we really want to be them if we have a chance to be the best.i am not just talking about being an all england champion here it applies to personal goals we all set for ourselves.it can be the best basketball player in your society or teaching street children in your backyard. its also true that not everyone and not every time will you get there but at least when you reach that stage you know that you gave your best and you dont regret the failure that much because within yourself you have earned respect for being who you are.
i for one am at a critical stage.the next two-three years will define the way i am looked at,the unfortunate lass who was always struck by injuries or the fighter who finally found her way home.to tell you the truth i really dont know,but i do know that i will not give up without earning my own respect.when i sleep on my bed 20 years from now i want to sleep with a smile on my face.a big one!!!..:D